I have a few blog posts on here that I wrote back in 2014 after breaking up with a man I had been in a relationship with for over 4 years.
Truth be told, it was a very difficult time in my life. When you’re with someone for that long and you expect this to be the real-deal, it kind of shatters your world when you realize it isn’t.
The breakup seemed to come out of nowhere. Admittedly, I had had my own thoughts about ending it, but nothing serious. There were some frustrating aspects to our relationship and, at the time, I thought they could be worked out. They couldn’t. I should have known that.
To give you a little back story of the relationship: we had started dating in college. After graduating, I moved to the town he lived in and started my life there.
Think about it: it’s the first time I’m out on my own. This was my start to adulthood. I was taking this journey with him by my side. It’s hard not to find part of your identity within someone else.
When we broke up, I had to move out and get my own place. Lots of changes had to be made. It was heartbreaking, for the most part.
In some ways, I was invigorated. I wanted to do things that he didn’t want to do. Like, for instance, going to concerts. I remember, one day, I was in the car with my friends and I got an email from Groupon with discounted tickets for a Rascal Flatts concert. I bought them right then and there. He would never spend money on adventures like this. But I loved them. And screw him, right? It was time to do what I wanted to do.
You can kind of get an idea of my frame of mind. I wanted to do things I wanted to do. I didn’t have to please anyone anymore. It was all about me. (Let’s be honest, it should always be like that).
Then, I decided to make another pretty big change.
I Cut My Hair
Why is it that whenever people decide to make a big life change, a change in hairstyle is so enticing?
So, I decided I wanted to cut my hair shorter. I had fairly long hair, nothing too crazy, but still on the long side. I decided I wanted it shorter.
I went to the hair salon and got a cut. Now, here’s where I always get tripped up. The hair stylist cut my hair and then asked me what I thought about the length. I said I wanted it a little bit shorter. I totally forgot one big thing: your hair looks longer when it’s wet.
After she blow dried my hair, I realized it was much short than I intended. I didn’t hate it, per se. But, it just wasn’t what I wanted.
An Identity Crisis
I remember those first few weeks being alone in my apartment. It was devastating. I cried every single night. Sure, we hadn’t spent every single night together in our relationship, but for the last 2 years, we nearly had.
And then, all of a sudden, we weren’t. That, in itself, was hard to overcome.
Being without him and being on my own made me feel so lost. I thought I knew what my life was going to be, and just like that, the vision was gone.
Then came the decision I’d made: to cut my hair.
I vividly remember looking into the mirror at my new apartment one day and I just didn’t recognize myself. The hairstyle wasn’t me. I felt so out of place in that look.
I mean, it was bad enough that I had lost myself inside a little bit. But I couldn’t even recognize myself in the mirror. It was difficult. Maybe that sounds vain, but it really was. This was not the time to cut my hair so drastically.
A Piece of Advice
There are just some changes you probably shouldn’t make after a significant breakup. A hair cut is one of them. Take my advice, don’t make a decision like that unless you know for sure it’s what you want.