For whatever reason, as women, the notion of marriage is implanted into our brains at a very young age. We think about our weddings when we’re, like, seven-years-old.
At least, that’s how it was for me.
Marriage Is The Dream
For as long as I can remember, I thought about getting married. I thought about falling in love with someone, marrying him, having kids together, and enjoying a beautiful life.
Now, this is obviously not true of all women, but it is for many.
Here’s the issue though: too often, women get caught up in the title of it all, in the idea, in the fantasy. We think of marriage as hitting a milestone in our life or checking an imaginary box off.
But marriage is so much more than that.
When my fiancé proposed to me, the moment was so magical. We had already discussed marriage and I knew it was coming. But still, it was very romantic & special. It was very me and I loved every moment of his proposal.
Afterwards, I was elated and excited. But, I didn’t feel different. And that’s how it should be.
A Proposal Shouldn’t Change Anything
For many people, getting engaged feels like a fix for something or feels like a change in a relationship. For me, it was just another step in solidifying my love for this wonderful man. I didn’t expect anything about our relationship to change (and it hasn’t).
But I think what often happens is people think that a proposal will make everything better. They think that it can fix anything that’s wrong in their relationship.
If you’re waiting for a proposal to make your relationship better, you probably shouldn’t be getting married to that person.
I Had Expected A Proposal In The Past
While I was dating my ex, both my sister & my best friend got engaged to their significant others within about a week of each other. Both of them had been in their relationship for a year shorter than I had been in mine. It made me wonder: where was my proposal?
I was so happy for both of them, but I won’t lie, I was also very jealous. Why hadn’t my boyfriend proposed to me yet? I definitely became a little sad after this and my boyfriend took notice.
Now, we hadn’t really talked about marriage before and the only times it was brought up, he got really weird about it. (Which should have been my sign to flee).
He mentioned to me one day that he knew that I was upset but that he wasn’t ready for that yet. I understood because I knew he had wanted to be more stable before getting into that (or so he said). I said that was okay as long as I knew that it was something that would be coming in the future. He said yes. But, looking back, it was very vague. He probably didn’t mean it.
My point is, if he had proposed to me, I would have thought it was something that would fix our relationship and make us better. It wouldn’t have. I know that now. And thank God he never proposed. That truly would have been a nightmare.
My Wish For You
If you are in a relationship and you’re waiting for that ring to come, think about what you really want from that ring. Think about what that proposal would mean to you.
I’m not saying that it should just feel like any other day. Believe me, when I got engaged, it was the happiest day of my life. It meant I was one step closer to marrying the man of my dreams.
That’s how it should feel to you. It shouldn’t feel like a band-aid for your issues.
And please, if you’re in a serious relationship, you have to have the talk about your future. Yes, it can be daunting, but you don’t want to waste your time. I wasted mine and while everything worked out in the end for me, I know that it’s not like that for everyone.
You have dreams and there’s no reason you shouldn’t see those dreams come to fruition.