As I mentioned when I restarted this blog, there are a few posts that I had written back in 2014 when I was going through a very difficult break up. In one particular post, I posed my fears for the future and the fears I had about not finding someone else to love.
Feel free to read more about these fears here.
A Look Back At My Mindset
Back in 2014, I had just broken up with my boyfriend of over 4 years. Towards the end, we certainly had problems. I had thought about leaving him. But in my mind, I had hoped that we could work things out.
When you’re with someone for that long, you find a comfortably with them. They become your best friend and you can’t imagine it any other way.
So, when he ultimately broke up with me, I was devastated. It didn’t matter that I had thought about leaving before. What mattered was that it was all happening. And I had no idea how to even begin to handle it.
I felt hopeless for the future.
Fast Forward 2 Years
In May of 2016, I met the most amazing man. He is everything I could have dreamed about and more. I never thought that it would even be possible to find someone like him. I know that no one is perfect, be he’s as pretty darn close as it gets!
When I reread that post, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. All of those things that I was afraid of: that he miss me terribly when we’re apart or wouldn’t make me feel protected, it all seemed so silly.
First of all, when reading all those things, I actually wondered: is this how I really felt about him?
Knowing what I know now and being with this new man in my life makes me have so much more appreciation for all of those things. Everything that I was afraid of, I had no reason to fear.
I may have felt as though my ex appreciated all those things about me. But, my now fiance appreciates those things more than I could even imagine.
If I Could Speak To My Past Self
When I think back on it, I know how badly I was hurting. I know how hopeless I felt. In all honesty, if the me now had “appeared” to the past me and told her what was in store for her future, I doubt she would have believed it.
My new relationship has been nothing short of a fairy tale and I feel incredibly blessed to have him in my life and to have been able to experience this kind of love.
The last line of my 2014 “I’m Afraid” post said this: I’m afraid I’ll never be loved the way I was loved by you.
All I can say is: Thank God I’m not “loved” the same way. Because, truth be told, looking back, that wasn’t how love was supposed to be. I found true love and I am grateful for it every single day.