Back in February, one of the most terrible things happened to me. I was in the middle of working when, suddenly, my laptop crashed. I don’t know what happened, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t get it back up.
I quickly searched for a computer repair business, found one close to me, and ran my computer over. I dropped it off and prayed they would be able to fix it.
My Computer Is My Job
At this point, I hadn’t been in my new job for even a month. But, thankfully, my boss was very understanding and she took care of what needed to be done for the rest of the day.
Also, thankfully, I have a future mother-in-law who is very kind and allowed me to borrow her laptop until mine was fixed. (Mind you, I ended up using her laptop for over a month). This was a huge God-send because I really don’t know what I would have done otherwise.
But… this story is not about the struggle of losing my laptop for a few weeks and how difficult it made my job. It’s much more devastating than that.
What I Lost
When I went to pick up my laptop (all fixed), the tech told me that if there were any documents missing to come back and they could get them back for me. So, when I went home, I checked and noticed that the most important documents were no where to be found.
I had a folder titled “Books” that had about 10 sub-folders with a plethora of files in each as well as some files within the Books folder. There were about 7 files in the Books folder and most certainly not all the ones that were there.
No big deal, I thought, I’ll take it back to them.
They weren’t able to access the file. My heart dropped.
My fiance suggested we take it to another computer repair shop and have them take a look at it. They told us the same thing. Although, they did provide us with an alternative solution which was to send it out to a company that can typically access and retrieve these files. But, the tech said he didn’t like having to do that because there was no way to know how much it would cost and there was no guarantee they could get them, and we’d have to pay either way. I fully appreciated his honestly.
Ultimately, we decided we simply couldn’t afford to send it out.
A Little Bit of Background Information
I’m an aspiring writer and it’s been something I’ve wanted since I was little. I have submitted completed works to agents & publishers but haven’t been given the opportunity to publish yet.
As far as I can remember, I began actually writing in 2008. I have “completed” (a term I use loosely since I never feel like I’m finished) at least 3 novels, one of which is the beginning of a series of books. I had extensive notes for the series, like an insane amount of notes. And, of course, I had notes for the other two. I also had jotted down about 20 ideas for books and began some brainstorming.
But now, with the exception of a few random files (none of which belong to the 3 novels, as those were in sub-folders), everything is gone.
I Know What You’re Thinking
…why didn’t I back up my files? I know. It was incredibly stupid. And really, I should have known better. I guess it just never really occurred to me.
Lately, especially, as in maybe the last couple years, I hadn’t been working on my writing as much as I was in the past. So it just wasn’t a thought.
The silver lining, however, is that I do have a flash drive from when I got a new computer. I used it to move the files from my old laptop to my new one. Honestly, I probably did use that after then as well, but I can’t be sure. In all honesty, I’ve been too afraid to even look right now.
My Heart Broke Right in Two
When we ultimately decided we couldn’t afford to send it out and that all my files were gone, I lost it. I sobbed like I had never sobbed before. My fiance held me as I just cried and cried and cried. I swear I cried for at least an hour.
When I first started writing, it was before I had gone away to college (Fall 2009) and was during a time when I was really just working and taking classes at the community college. I had some friends but I didn’t hang out with them all the time. I’ve always been a bit of a loner.
I can remember spending hours sitting on my bed in my the bedroom at my parents just writing and brainstorming. I had invested so much time into these stories and these characters. They are so personal to me. For it to just be gone… it felt like I had lost a piece of myself.
My Thoughts to the Future
When you’re as sad as I was that day, you start to think horrible thoughts. Naturally, mine pointed to my “destiny.” I wondered: was this a sign that becoming a writer isn’t in the cards for me?
At this point, I refuse to believe that. This is my dream and I’m not letting it go. I will become a writer. I will accomplish my dreams.
I may feel a little disheartened right now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still have my eye on the prize.
Bad things happen but I learned a lesson! I’m not going to let this steer me off course.