As you might have noticed, although I am just starting out on this blog, there are some past posts from 2014. I could have just deleted them when I decided to revamp this blog but I kept them on here for a very important reason.
What Was Going On In 2014
During the summer of 2014, I was ending a 4-year long relationship. It was a truly devastating time in my life. I was with someone (let’s call him G) for exactly 4 years. We met in college but never actually went to college together. By the time we started dating, he had finished and had moved to upstate NY. We were long distance for a while, which if you’ve ever been in an LDR you know how hard that its. After I graduated, I moved there to be with him.
I could go into greater detail about the relationship, but I’m not going to because, frankly, it’s pointless right now. I thought we had a great relationship. To me, this was it. G was who I would be spending the rest of my life with. There was hardly ever a thought about us not being together. Despite knowing how “commitment-phobic” he was, I always thought that it would change.
When he, out of nowhere, tells me (after 4 years) that he just wants to be friends, it absolutely crushed me.
The world comes in on you. What now? It’s a sinking feeling when the world you thought you had kind of known is just gone.
I Needed An Outlet
Now, me being who I am, I don’t like to really talk about my feelings to other people, not completely anyway. So, I retreated back to blogging. I just felt I need an outlet to unload all my feelings, to say the things I couldn’t say out loud and to think the things I didn’t want to think.
I wrote it all out: my feelings, my fears, my frustrations.
I’ll be honest, I’ve glanced over those past blog posts but haven’t fully read them yet. I’m not sure I’m ready for it just now.
Why Bother Keeping Them
While I’m not ready just yet to read them, I will be. And I want you all to see and compare who I was then to who I am now.
If I could talk to the me of 2014, I would let her know what her life would be like now in 2017. She would be so happy. She would know that this wasn’t the end for her. She would know something better is on its way.
That’s what I hope to give you all, or anyone out there that is feeling hopeless.
So, you can feel free to read them if you wish. Know that I will be going back to them and referencing my feelings then to now.
Believe it or not, I actually am looking forward to it. I hope you are too.